I guess you could call today a normal day, if you were a very jumpy rabbit. “Why?” you ask. Well, that I will tell you.

Today which isn’t really today because this story was written on June 28th 2010 but let us just call it today for easy reference as July 28th 2010 Anno Domini doesn’t really roll off of the tongue very easily, was a normal day. I woke up ate some wheaties, I got onto the bus and rode to school. Unfortunately I get car sick very easily. So I proceeded to throw up, but it was ok because I had my hands to throw up into, because I have been told repeatedly if I throw up onto my seatmate again I am going to be kicked out of school. That is a story for another day. I got off the bus took my “normal” restroom stop waved my hand over the motion sensing towel dispenser, wiped my hands and I felt like I was ready to face the world. Unfortunately the world did not feel like losing. Which is very awkward, it was almost if I was trying to win a fight against Mike Tyson I kept on throwing punches just to hurt myself more than my opponent upon hitting his rock hard abs.

I exited my puke cleanup station (as the Principal calls it) and I was feeling all nice and clean and then I saw the worst thing you could see at Centreville High School. My best friend; I wouldn’t call Karl a nerd if it wasn’t true, but the nicest term I could come up with was just that. I don’t know maybe I am a bad friend. I am sorry I just don’t like to beat around the bush. But it wasn’t Karl that was really the scariest thing in the picture right now. It was him being taken away by a bunch of machinegun wielding men in black SWAT uniforms. Normally this wouldn’t have bothered me; Karl did have some problems with trying to steal Shoke’Men cards from people tougher than him. But this time it wasn’t just him being taken away. The SWAT team was rounding up everyone in the school including the teachers, almost as if they were cattle about to be branded.

Luckily for me, my primal instincts kicked in and I stopped thinking and I started doing. I ran back into the bathroom like a cat who had just lost a life, I entered into a stall locked the flimsy plastic door behind me and opened up my backpack. I was relieved to find that I had remembered to pack my “Nervous Bag” as my mom called it. My anxiety started to clear up even before I started breathing in…and…out…in…out. Oh that was good. I then briskly put my nervous bag away and closed my Buzz Light year backpack that everyone told me was kiddish. I just told them I was sorry they were too juvenile to realize the artistic impact of Pixar’s hit series. Hmm, where was I? Oh yeah, I then got up and stepped on top of the toilet seat. From there I could see that nobody else had entered the bathroom yet. “Phew” I thought to myself and I started brainstorming (hey I actually used that word right! My English teach will never berate me again for ungoodly vocab skillz).

My first thought was to go out and give myself up. It would make everything easier. I would get the same treatment as everyone else, and I probably wouldn’t even be forced to do extra chores. Then I realized generally SWAT teams don’t just abduct everyone at the school to make them go to Boy Scout camp. My next thought was to just stay put and hope nobody would come into the bathroom and I would sneak out later. If I got caught I would just make an excuse about having a bad case of constipation (I tended to have some bathroom problems along with my bouts of car sickness). I decided that wouldn’t be a smart choice either as SWAT teams tend to search buildings room by room and each second I stayed there was increasing my chances of getting caught. I then came up with the perfect idea. I would climb up into the air conditioning vent about seven feet up the wall. Which I could coincidentally climb up into while standing on the toilet. I grabbed the ledge and utilized each and every one of my “teensy”(my gym teacher’s term not mine) muscles to wiggle up and into the vent. I proceeded to close the vent up so that nobody would be able to follow my trail. I started to go forward in the vent. I went all of five feet before I heard the banging of rifle butts on the door. I started to wonder why they didn’t just *pull* the door open, I guess old habits die hard.

Before I could fully contemplate their over the top way of opening doors, I heard the door open. Sweat started to pour out of my glands. I was about to puke. But I persevered, and kept myself together. I started crawling away from the bathroom even more quietly, and my escape plan started to come together. Then I heard about the only thing I wasn’t expecting to hear; the sound of my mother’s voice.

“Greg, Honey are you ok? Are you having problems again? I remembered to pack your nervous bag today.”
“Uh Oh” I muttered to myself and it all clicked.
“You know it is your birthday and the whole school is waiting, they even got some police to come down and show you some of their gear. We know how much you want to be an officer one day.”

Popularity: 1% [?]